I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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