it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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