i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
