Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
