I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
