I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
