He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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