I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
