I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Welp...herpes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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