I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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