Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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