And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
