Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
