so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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