i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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