May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
