i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
