please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
