ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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