The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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