Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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