yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
