you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
