i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
