This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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