I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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