Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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