I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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