my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
