Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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