it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We're not piercing ourselves today.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
