Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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