I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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