So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
