why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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