I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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