I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
