i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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