Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
