True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
