I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
