**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
