We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
