yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
