the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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