Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
