I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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