My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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