we have pet lesbian snakes
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
