you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
