Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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