Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
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no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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