i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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