Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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