Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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