Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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