I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize