Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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