he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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