Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
